Feelings... and Emotions...

People walk into your life… and people walk away… it’s up to you whom you want to keep in your life…

That’s how the saying goes…

I seldom paid any head to the adage… I though these words were only for those intellectuals who try to find multifarious perspectives in simple things… “What’s there to worry to so much if someone comes and someone goes… does that matter at all in the long run?” I used to think…

But never felt that surge of emotion that I ought to have felt when someone left me… I know people who want to keep in touch will be there whatever happens… I have seen my friends from school still keep in touch in spite of the difference in geographical locations… despite the time difference… regardless of the fact we rarely get to see one other…

There are people who have left me… leaving me shattered like anything… may be today standing here in a matured world with rationale people those small incidents of past… of childhood seem to be foolish and childish… but at that point of time those were big blows… without any valid explanation… I have seen people come back again… but of with less impact in life …

Seen people betray… have felt the heart wrench with pain… but faced with a smile… because I knew the pain won’t be perpetual…

But never felt the urge to stop time… never felt the urge to break down and ask time to stop… stop forever… I never had the urge to reverse back time… now I wish to… I wish to reverse back time to mend my mistakes… I wish everything changed…

Never felt this Sanhita; the supposed to be changed Sanhita (as per many) will ever feel emotional again… while writing this piece… I felt a tear drop about to roll out from the pair of bulging eyes.

Never felt relations have an expiry date as per the sms goes…. Relations are meant to be forever…

But I know people may not accept me the way I am… with my qualities as well as frailties…

My frailties take a toll over my persona… may be that’s what we call growing up…. Realization pours in…. only parents are the lone people on earth who will never stop loving you whatsoever…

Apart from them… wherever you go… with who ever it may be… you have to compromise… you have to camouflage your true feelings.May be I learnt it the hard way… but that’s the way the rule goes… that’s the way life flows… I wish I could reverse back time and change my attitude… change everything around me… be in a new world…a new surrounding… a new life… a new beginning…

But now I have lost the battle… have to have this one beginning as the last one… the sole one… lost things never come back...

P.S:

Someone advised me….

”Break the shackles and fly like a free bird. People will be ever demanding and you may not be in a position to fulfill all what they desire...Look, think and approach the reality with what you have...never think what people think bout you think what you think about your own self....”

I value the advice… And I wish if I could… but I know where the constraints are…what are the things that hold me back. Those constraints are my own fabrication…. My own art of work… nowhere to go…. No where to run…

But...somewhere the words echoed through my head... somewhere it hit me...from somewhere the supple voice whispered in my ears… sanhita… you still have the time… you can if you try…

The voice that always assured during my teenage…that what ever comes … everything’s going to be all right… keep smiling…. always…

For the sake of that voice… for the sake of that image only …I will surely try to be a free bird again… and live my life…

There is at least no harm in trying…