Feelings know no boundary…

Have u ever trusted anyone and felt you should do everything to make that person happy…?



Have u ever yearned for anyone so much that you don’t want that person in your life… you know you are going to be with someone else…still you are happy … you know that it’s not necessary for someone to be present to care for that person.... It’s an unconditional feeling…


He may behave weirdly with me… avoid me… or even drift away from me… hate me… it does not make any difference…


He still feels for his only love… and I am happy to know that… at least someone does not forget so easily… someone is still dedicated to his love and emotions…


I am contented in knowing him… in my own way….


Someone rightly advised me last day… she said… always be with the one who makes you happy… if someone deliberately hurts you… that person never cared you… the person who makes you happy is the one who will always care for you whatever happens…I know I believed in her…


But somewhere I feel hurt… I don’t know what makes him avoid me… or what makes him distant from me… he always meant so much to me… more than a friend…high up in the sky… but from there it landed to ground zero… he is not even inclined to share most trivial matters with me …


I lost someone in my life who meant a lot to me once… I lost him because I was too late to say yes…


Now I think I am going to be a looser again…


Always missed my dream man… in life… laughter… pain… everywhere I felt my one with me…. But in life… ‘The one’ never showed up…unknowingly I always tried to search for the missing ‘The one’ in him…


But I never felt the numbness that I am feeling now… I never felt the pain in my heart … I forgot I had this feeling alive in me… I forgot I am capable of loving again… I forgot my heart can again get wrenched in pain and get elated in love… I thought those were the thoughts of the past… of a forgotten past… I never experienced this feeling for a long time… an effortless touch… a simple gaze… an unpretentious caring word just makes me happy… I don’t want to ruin the relation… I don’t want to give it any name… whenever you give any name to any relation… it dies… I don’t want this to die… I want him to be with me till I die… in a nameless relation…


I believe from my childhood days…:


if you want something, let it go… if it comes back to you it’s yours… if it does not come back to you… it was never yours…


I still believe in this… may be… someday … some odd day… sitting somewhere at a distant place… he will realize how much I craved for him… may be … someday he will understand what was there in my eyes… how much I used to get hurt when he was rude with me … how much I wanted him to be happy… if I could… I would have given all my happiness to him… just simple to see him smile… just may be… someday…


I only know:
When I look at you,
I can’t speak,
every time I try... My voice gets weak.
When I look at you,
I can’t inhale... When I try to breathe in, I just fail.
When I look at you,
Oh, those eyes… bluer than anything I’ve seen.
When you look away, something inside me dies.
When I look at you,
everything stands still...


I wonder if you feel the same, but when I think about it... I know you never will...


But one thing is for sure…Will try to keep all the promises I made… to him… As Alexander Hamilton has rightly said…. ”a promise must never be broken”


All promises made …either in words…Or through silence… mean a lot to me… today… tomorrow and always… may be keeping those promises against all odds will be a manifestation of my emotions for him… in my own way… I will let the world know … but none will ever understand… none will ever try to understand…

I will care for him in my own special way… may be he won’t ever know… may be I won’t ever show...

Some days are different…

I enjoyed this Saturday… I enjoyed it to the fullest... it has been long time that I enjoyed such a day… I did one simple thing in life… rode a bicycle for the first time… it's hard to gauge the feeling of being in the front of a cycle when someone else is riding the cycle ...for the first time...the feeling is ethereal for someone one who has never experienced what it feels to ride the bicycle that too at the age of 23...

After 23yrs of my life … I have a few chosen... a very few dear dreams… simple wishes…… that i hold close to my heart ...those may seem insignificantly silly … but I treasure those… (cannot help it if it sounds absurd!!)
Never ever felt the thrill of getting up on a cycle… it was the first time a timid idiot got up on the cycle … felt nervous… felt ecstatic at the same time… but somehow… something was different… it was too enjoyable a thing… it was like flying high in the sky… may be because of the ambience… may be I was happy… maybe it was charming really… maybe it was because of the person who was riding the cycle.. I felt secured... a blanket of warmth surrounded me... Never felt so secured in anyone’s presence... two strong arms were placed beside me… the arms though were holding the handle of the bicycle… (!!..)

Don’t know why... I should be far from such feelings...I don’t know… what I am up to... I don’t know simply… my life is my career… my dreams … my aspirations… my future depends on what I can do with my aspirations and dreams… my world depends on how I achieve my goals…but somewhere down the line I hoped I would find those hands clasping me tight… not letting me fall…

But am afraid to confront this now… am afraid to believe this… whatever happens…
May be... just may be…

… Somewhere someone sitting beyond the clouds wanted me to feel happy… somewhere someone sitting beyond the clouds wished to see me smiling for a while devoid of pain … devoid of failures and devoid of confusions…
someone somewhere wanted me to give the glimpse of ecstasy about which I was unaware of…
I owe to that someone a lot… God, Thank you. Thank you for the Saturday (20th June, 2009).

P.S: This piece of blog was written long back on 30th June, 2009, in office. It was a Tuesday. One circumstance lead to another and the blog was left unpublished.
Today I just want to add one thing:
That Saturday till date means a lot to me. I hope it will mean a lot to me always in my life…