loneliness in a different aspect...

Being alone always meant a trauma to me… alone… loneliness… chased me to being frantically searching for a person to be with… to give me company…

Going shopping alone always terrorized me… today was such a day…

Throughout the day I frenetically searched for someone to accompany me to Gariahat… had some nick-knacks to buy before leaving Kolkata … but to my utter dismay I realized I was all alone… my busy friends were too busy to find a bit time for me…(no offense meant to anyone … )… (Though I did not ask my college friends…!)

At times I feel all through life I have made a futile attempt to make friends…

Though I have a very few good friends whom I call my own…  I miss them… utterly… none of them are here in Kolkata… distance never matters and I know when I need them they are always there with me … I can call them up at wee hours… and cry to my heart’s content.. I know they are there to hold me whenever I fall…

But recently  I thought I had a few friends here and there whom I can call my own… but to my heart’s discontent realized none of them can find time for me in their busy schedule… some do dodge my request to go out… may be because they don’t like may company when I am alone… some merely are busy…

Whatever the case is… today was such a day…  I was crossing the road… alone… with tears trying to pour down my eyes… was feeling low… feeling bad… but suddenly a gush of wind blew over my face… for some reason or the other I looked up at the sky with disgust as I tried to manage my unmanageable tresses…

 the distinct pole start seemed to shine a bit more brightly today…  It felt good…  it relieved my heart a bit.…

whatever happens...God created me … alone… I came here alone… and will depart alone… we try to search for people to give us company… but seldom realize we are our best companion…

the inner soul that is connected to the world has many company… the nature… the air… the soft breeze … the lone pole star … the smiling moon… the soft clouds… all are but one… they will be my companion …. They are the soul of the nature…  I never felt happy... I never felt happy to be alone… but today I was…

I felt like thanking those people who denied to go out today… who were too busy with their life to find time for me… today I met myself in a different mode.. in an atypical facet…

Thank you all…

13^th June, 2010

Sanhita